At 18, fresh out of high school, I decided to devote my life to being a teacher. I have always loved children, and this seemed an obvious choice. I started off at the local community college to save money, transferred after two years, and finished my degree in Elementary Education with a great QPA. Due to the fact that I did not immediately land a job, I decided to go straight on to get my Masters in Literacy and Reading Specialist certification. I was fortunate enough to get a graduate assistantship, which left me with no additional debt, and finished the degree in a year. Fortunately, this led to a few interviews and two job offers. At 23, I began my career as a Title I teacher, working with grades K-2.
Over the years, I have earned 78 additional credits beyond my masters, tried a variety of positions, and gained 16+ years of experience (I'm on sabbatical, so I'm not totally counting this year). I've worked hard, loved my students, and hope to have made a positive difference in their lives. I've also experienced stress and criticism beyond compare. Now, I take my job very seriously. I am shaping children's lives and I want them to leave my classroom better than when they enter it, in every way. That is my mission. Not only do I want them to have better skills, but I want them to feel better about themselves, more capable.
Yet. I have spent those same 16+ years feeling the complete opposite, beaten down.
That the primary means of evaluating my performance would be a test score. I wish I had known that there would not be enough time for the fun and joyful experiences of learning because those are not on the test.
That budgets would be cut as much as possible, expectations would be increased, and our every motive would be questioned and scrutinized. It's demoralizing. This is a career that most put their hearts and souls into. When we leave at the end of the day, those students we worry about never leave our minds.
As I drive home, I worry and wonder about the kids who aren't making as much progress as I would like. As I eat dinner with my own children, I worry about the kids who don't have enough food at home. As I play a board game with my family, I feel sad for the kids whose own parents have to work into the evenings and don't have time to play with them. When I am tucking my children in and reading them a bedtime story, I feel bad for the kids who don't have any books at home, or might not even have a bed.
As with nearly all teachers, the students in my classroom become "my kids." Though I have only given birth to and raised two children, I have hundreds of kids that I have spent a school year getting to know and care about. Each and every one will always hold a special place in my heart. I celebrate their successes and often cry when they experience letdowns.
Ultimately, I wish I had known how much it would hurt to be so passionate about something, yet feel as if people mistrust you and question you. I wish I had known how hard it would be, on so many levels, especially when you feel like you aren't making the difference you so desperately long to make.
Perhaps I'm too sensitive. Perhaps I should have known better. But I don't think I'm alone in these feelings, with the record number of good teachers leaving the classroom each year. Something has got to change. Attitudes toward teachers have got to improve because I'm telling you: we love your kids. The vast majority of us want what's best for them and are there every day to help and care.
If you are a parent, give your child's teacher the benefit of the doubt. Trust her until given reason not to. Believe that he is there to guide your child to be the best kid possible. I don't know even one teacher who chose the profession to ruin childrens' or parents' lives. Not one. When we make a suggestion or recommendation, as hard as it is for you to hear, please know it is just as hard to say. But we want what is best for your children, which sometimes involves telling you things that you don't really want to hear. Also know that when we tell you these hard things, we likely aren't judging you or your child. We are just sharing information and our experiences to get your kid what he/she needs.
I wish I had known that even though the stress feels like too much to handle much of the time, that the expectations are too high, that I still couldn't imagine not working with kids. My kids.
