Kindness and Common Courtesy

Events over the last couple of weeks have led me to wonder what has happened to common courtesy.  Why are we so eager to blame someone else, hurt someone else, attack someone else?  When did it become easier to give someone the finger than wave?  So hard to say thank you?  To offer a simple smile?  Say hello?  Why do so many people feel so self-important, that their wants and needs are the only ones that matter?  Why are we quicker to criticize than show appreciation?

I find myself wasting time, stewing over how I've been treated, how my husband has been treated, multiple other situations I've heard about lately where people have been treated unfairly or in an unkind way.  (And I don't even watch the news!)  

At the same time, I struggle to ensure that I do not become one of those people being unjust or unkind, who forgets to smile or say thank you.  To teach my kids to be kind and compassionate, fair and conscious of other people's feelings.  

I suppose with the recent events in Las Vegas, we are all likely struggling with similar questions.  As we see the hate that grows within our country, separates us because of skin color, sexuality,  religion, and other reasons that should have become extinct long ago.  Even though we are all different, we are all people.  We share a common core.  We are all equally important, none of us more so than another, regardless of our status, income, color, religion.

Can't we just stop judging other people?  Shaming other people?  Talking negatively about other people?  Does that really make anyone feel better about themselves?  Let's start focusing more on being kind, sharing our appreciation for others, smiling, saying thank you.  As a teacher, it means the world to me when I get a card or note from a family that expresses their gratitude for what I've done, acknowledging that I've made a positive difference in their child's life.  We should each make a conscious effort to pass around more of that feeling.

An unexpected, yet very much appreciated, thank you made its way to my husband this week.  It makes such a difference to know that someone notices when you care, when you volunteer to help, instead of only noticing when you make a mistake or do something to upset them.  Those Random Acts of Kindness, even when not so random, make an individual difference that can spread exponentially from person to person.  If you don't believe it, read this children's book about Ordinary Mary and how her kindness spread from person to person, impacting so many more people than expected.  

As for me, I am going to try to do more of this and less fretting about what other people think about me.  (Because I am surely not saying I am perfect.  If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, I hope you've adequately received this message.  I am anything but.  However, I am trying to be better every day.)  Reed and I are going to try a new church tomorrow, in a search for a home church where we belong.  Perhaps if we all join together in spreading kindness, we can try to overpower the hate that seems to be catching like wildfire.  In this spirit, I'll end with one of my favorite quotes:

           

Commitment

Yesterday, we attended a beautiful wedding.  Just under two weeks before we celebrate our 16th anniversary.  It caused me to reflect on where we began and how far we have come.

We met just two weeks before my 21st birthday - in person.  Strangely, (at the time it was, anyway) we met online.  On a site that doesn't even exist any longer.  I have to believe it was fate that led me there, looking for more information on some since-forgotten news story for my mom, accidentally clicking a banner ad.  Feeling lonely and thinking it would be nice to at least find people to chat with online.  Filling out the questionnaire, realizing it would cost money to send anonymous emails to people, receiving emails from people old enough to be my father.  No thanks!

Chad must have had that same feeling at some point before then, having since left the site.  But Valentine's Day was approaching, so they sent him a free "stamp".  He found I was his closest match, sent me an email (with his real email address so it didn't cost me to reply).  We emailed for a while, then finally started calling each other.  After a few weeks, maybe a month, we arranged to meet for lunch.  Completely blind.  Neither of us had seen a picture of the other.

We met and had an awkward lunch together.  I talked way too much because I was nervous.  He was wearing a sweater vest.  So much about our getting to know each other was awkward.  Yet we stuck it out.  After dating for just over a year, I graduated from college and was heading to grad school.  We took a leap and moved in together, a little apartment off campus.  I took 12 credits per semester, worked as a graduate assistant (which covered my tuition and gave me a small stipend), and worked part-time.  Chad worked as an estimator for a paving company and covered most of our bills.  We were blissfully happy, as I recall, most of the time.  This picture was taken in that apartment:

We got engaged on the sofa in that apartment.  I had class that night, and I remember telling strangers on the elevator that I just got engaged - I was so happy I just had to tell someone!  I came home to Gorditas for dinner.  None of it was ideal or picture-perfect, not a fairy tale.  But it is our story.  It's the path that led us to where we are now, which is a pretty great place to be.

In one year, I finished my master's degree.  I had interviews for Reading Specialist positions.  We were searching for a home, planning our September wedding.  I got my job, we bought our first home, and got married in the space of one month.  A stressful time, despite all of the positive things that were happening.  

We had our furry children.  Life was good.  I've written before, I believe, about my epiphany that I wanted to have children.  It was a difficult time after this realization, waiting for Chad's answer as to whether he could want children, too.  Even after he said he was okay with having kids, that he didn't want to lose me, I wasn't convinced.  Throughout my pregnancy, I was still worried deep down about the father he would be.  As I told him, "My own father wanted me and look how that turned out!"  (Not good, in case you didn't know.)  I didn't want to bring a child into the world, unwanted.  

Little did I know that this man would become the type of father I could only dream of.  He is beyond committed to our children, to our family.  It simply had to be fate that brought him into my life, and I am so grateful I didn't let go.  We both have more wrinkles.  I have some gray hairs, and he has no hair!  We've had lots of good times, but some bad as well.  

The longer we are married, I realize that it is very similar to being on a roller coaster.  There are many peaks, as well as some valleys, many times in between.  If you simply hang in there for the rough times, remember why you fell in love, it will get better.  Invest in each other, dig deep for the things you still love at times when they are hard to remember.  Before you know it, you'll be headed up the hill, right on track for another peak in the future.  

Looking back, there is nothing I would change in the 18 years we've been together.  Sure, it could've been "prettier" or more romantic, but it's real.  I adore the children we've created, appreciate the life we have forged together, and love, love, love that man I married.

Garran & Rylee

Today I had the pleasure of photographing my first newborn, adorable little Garran, and his wonderful family.  It was a joy!  Truly, I couldn't have asked for an easier baby for my first shoot.  He slept the entire time and was so cooperative.

Of course we had to get mom and dad, Shannon and Gary, and big sister, Rylee, in on some shots!

 Rylee needed a special big girl photo shoot of her own.

 Gary is a big Pens fan and wants to make sure Garran is on board from day 1.

I am so grateful to have had the honor of photographing this beautiful family, and I can only hope they love their pictures as much as I enjoyed taking them.

Playing School

Cole is playing school with my mom and gave her a sticker.

Gram: "Why didn't I get an A+?"

Cole: "Because it just wasn't good enough."

Ha!

My mom just asked for a hall pass to use the bathroom.  Cole gave her one, and as she walked away, he said, "Time's ticking."

Logical Consequences

Another update on our Magic: 1, 2, 3 progress.  Today, Cole did not want to wear the button-down shirt I had out for him.  He was complaining, refusing to get dressed, and said, "I won't tell you what I want to eat until you get me different clothes."  Of course, I am not going to allow my 5-year-old to control me, but instead of getting upset and yelling, I decided to use logical consequences.  I said, "If you don't get dressed, I guess you will have to go to school in your pajamas, and other kids will laugh because it's not PJ Day.  And if you don't eat, you will be hungry."  Let me tell you, if you are going to say this, you have to be prepared to follow through!  I was ready to send him in his PJs with no breakfast.  Neither would seriously hurt him, and he would learn his own lesson, that making those threats would only hurt himself.  Not me.

Reed helped me out a little, offering to dress up as well, then telling Cole the only reason he wasn't is because it was his gym day.  Cole finally did get dressed and eat some breakfast, but we were running a little late at that point, after the delay.  So, I didn't have time to check the temperature.  As soon as we walked out of the garage, I yelled to the boys, asking if they wanted a jacket or sweatshirt.  They said no and we walked up to the bus stop.

At the bus stop, Cole started crying because he was cold, but I didn't have time to run back for a sweatshirt at that point.  He and Reed both said they never heard me ask if they wanted one.  Oh well.  Another logical consequence, I suppose.  They were only chilly for a minute or two before the bus came.  I'll pick Cole up in the car, and I'm sure Reed will run enough at recess to stay warm.

The hardest part was watching Cole (already having a tough morning) get on the bus and after 9 days of school, being forced to sit in the second seat.  It's common for kindergarten students to sit up front, but the bus driver waited until yesterday to enforce this, so Cole was used to sitting with his brother and other older friends.  He sat by himself, ready to cry again, much like that first day of school.  Breaks my heart all over again.  No smile afterward today.