My Person

Today, as I think about my very best friend in the whole world, I keep going back to when I used to watch Grey's Anatomy.  Two quotes are stuck in my head:

"You're my person, you will always be my person."  - Cristina Yang

"We're friends, real friends.  And that means no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I'll still be here."  - Meredith Grey

She is on my mind today more than any day because her father unexpectedly passed away in his sleep last night.  He was one of the kindest and most wonderful people I have ever met.  And I feel helpless.  All I can do is think about her and worry for her, but there is nothing I can actually do to make things better.  Except be here to listen, which doesn't seem like enough.

I don't have a lot of close friends.  Because I've lost so many over the years, I believe I have stopped trying to make new friends.  I don't put myself out there and I know I don't make it easy to get to know me.  

She is one of the very few people who actually see me (and appreciate me) for who I am.  She is my person, the first one I turn to when I need to talk or celebrate.  She gives it to me straight, whether I want to hear it or not.  I value and appreciate her presence in my life more than I can say.  Spending time with her is healing, talking to her is my therapy.

I'm not always good at expressing myself, particularly when showing affection.  I'm awkward.  It doesn't come naturally.  But today, my heart is aching because her heart must be aching.  My dear friend, who I love like a sister.  While I wish there was something I could do to help, to make her feel better, I know there isn't.  I will continue to be here for her if she needs me, feeling intensely grateful to have her in my life.  

 

Wake-up Call

The unwelcome sound of something splattering the tile floor, followed by the noise of a child retching loudly.  3:00 in the morning, woken from a deep sleep.  I entered the bathroom to find my older son, Reed, surrounded by chocolate-colored vomit.  He must have woken abruptly and tried to get to the toilet, but didn't quite make it.  The first scene was a marked splash, covering floor, walls, doors - I scarcely knew where to begin, other than shutting the door to keep the dog from helping in the clean-up efforts.  It was like the scene of a crime, the amount of mess overwhelming and disorienting in the middle of the night.  Reed continued to be sick at the toilet, which he had somehow also covered.  As he emptied his stomach, Chad gathered a garbage bag and paper towels, while I rounded up some bottles of cleaner.  Bathroom carpets were thrown in the washer.  The shower curtain even had to be taken down to be laundered.  We cleaned Reed up with new pajama pants, Chad wiping his bare feet, and sent him back to bed.  The two of us spent thirty minutes cleaning that small bathroom to a state that it has likely never seen.  We examined every crevice, under doors, behind step stools, and scrubbed each wall.  Chad scoured every surface of the toilet.  We worked well together, finished off a roll of paper towels, tackled the mess, and finally got back to bed.

Photo: Diego Cervo/Shutterstock

To be woken up again at about 4:00, Reed vomiting up the water he drank - thankfully into his garbage can this time!  This made for a markedly easier clean-up.  However, it took me a long while to relax and return to sleep.

None of this should have come as a surprise.  Days ago, we were astounded at the number of Reed's soccer friends succumbing to this sickness and unable to participate in the scheduled tournament.  It could be simply what Reed ate last night, or it could be a virus, lying in wait, ready to attack each of us and ruin our holiday break.  Now, we wait and rest, hopeful that the rest of us will remain healthy.

In the meantime, I will not be shocked if I have nightmares of bathrooms covered in remnants of ravioli, spaghetti, and chocolate ice cream.  (shivering slightly)  I wish you and yours a happy and healthy new year!

Table update

If you know me, you know I can't go long without something to keep me busy.  I'm in between semesters, which feels amazing, but I can only read so much each day without falling asleep.  I did start watching the Outlander series this morning (which is fantastic!) and I'm currently reading the fourth in the book series (equally amazing!).  I would like to be planning a trip, but our finances will not allow that.  So, I set my sights upon our coffee table.  It's the set we bought when we built our house almost 10 years ago.  Back then, it was black.  After children and scratches, I decided to paint and distress it some years ago, which suited me well for a bit.  However, the top was looking pretty bad and I couldn't stand the glass pieces in it any longer.  They always had fingerprints and just never seemed clean!  Here are some before pictures.

I am into the rustic/shabby chic/country vibe for decorating, so I decided to stain some wood to create a new top.  I started with selecting eight 1x4 boards and one 1x3 board (for the center) that I thought were straight.  Then, I got the wonderful Home Depot guy to cut them to 54 inches.

At home, I sanded them with an old sanding block I had, then used tack cloth to remove the dust.  I used an old washcloth to apply one coat of the Varthane Carbon Gray wood stain.  Then, I put on a coat of Minwax Polycrylic, waited for it to dry, sanded with 220 sandpaper, removed dust with tack cloth, and repeated until I had three coats.  No sanding after the last coat.    

This is where I needed some help from my hubby.  We started in the center and worked our way out, attaching each board with Gorilla Glue, then screws in the center and ends. The hubs drilled a pilot hole for each screw and then put them in.

Here is the finished product!  It isn't perfect, but I love it!  Covers up the things I hated and gives the whole room a new feel!  All for two days work and $80.75 + tax.  Now, keep in mind that this includes $15.97 for the Polycrylic, and $8.48 for the stain, both of which I have enough of to use for several more projects.  The screws were also $5.98 for 238 of them (when we only used 51), but there were no smaller packs in this color.

What do you think????

The most agreeable model in my house

Daisy is usually the only one who will sit still long enough for me to take her picture 💖

Reed and Cole - Christmas Pictures

Photographing my children is decidedly not a pleasure.  There is a ton of whining, irritation, and messing around.  However, it is free!  It's quick (in relation to taking them to a studio somewhere).  I rewarded them with a trip to see Wonder.  A great book and movie, by the way.  (I think I only cried 4 times...)  So, here are the winners from today's session:

They're not perfect, but they are definitely my kids.  😉

Gabrielle & Addison

Today I had the pleasure of photographing one-week-old Gabrielle and her big sister, Addison.  Their mom taught Reed in first grade (and actually saved his life when he was choking on donut holes!)  Beautiful little Gabrielle was wide awake throughout our session, and Addison was a huge help.  Here are a few of my favorites.  Enjoy!

The Happiest Place on Earth

Last week, we visited Disney World for the second time and Universal for the first.  Many times during our visit, I wondered why being in the "happiest place on Earth" brings out the worst in my children.  (And by the looks of things, it wasn't only my children who succumb to this.)  At least Cole smiled in pictures this time without having a bucket of popcorn in hand.  However, as we rode the carousel at the Magic Kingdom (our first full day in Disney, when we attended Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party), Cole stated, "This is the worst trip ever."  Without yelling, I lost my mind.  I'm certain I repeated phrases that have been used by many a parent.  "Do you know how many children never even get to go to Disney?"  "I'm so glad we spent thousands of dollars that we can't really afford to bring you here."  "Do you think this is what I would choose for my vacation?  No, I would rather be on a beach!"  Even though Reed hadn't said anything negative at that point, he was apologetic, and Cole started crying.  That was probably the low point of our trip.  Not that we didn't have other negative moments and times of complaint, but the kids were slightly more positive thereafter.

By the second parade, the kids were winding down.  We sat down to watch it, with Cole in my lap, and within minutes, he was asleep.  He missed the entire thing.  Reed was in and out of sleep throughout.  Our picture with the pumpkins was on the way out of the park.  Chad (aka Superman) carried Cole the entire way from our parade perch to the ferry to the shuttle, where Cole woke up long enough to walk to the car.  Thank goodness Reed woke up enough to walk because nobody is capable of carrying him!

All in all, we had a wonderfully exhausting trip.  One day, we opened Epcot and closed Islands of Adventure, taking over 20,000 steps.  Now we are home and I need a vacation from our vacation.  We made some fabulous memories, spent a ton of time together, tried new things, and made some magic.  One of my favorite moments was when Reed got chosen at Ollivander's wand shop to have his wand choose him.  It was magical, and so awesome when the wand that ultimately selected him was made of reed!  Cole had to pick his own wand, but they both enjoyed making wizardly magic throughout the two parks.

I'm grateful that being on sabbatical allowed me time to travel at a time when I usually could not.  I was able to complete all of my reading on the plane, and finished my corresponding posts this morning.  I am also grateful to be able to provide these experiences for my children, even when it goes unappreciated.  Perhaps one day they can do the same for their own children, and we can go along as grandparents to remind them that they behaved the same way.

Kindness Check-in

Well.  What have you done this week to try to spread kindness, or at least gain some zen?  Let's see...I did try a new church on Sunday (without Reed, who backed out on me).  I actually really liked it and plan to go back.  Perhaps one day I can get the kids to join me.  And dare I dream, my husband...probably not.  But that's ok.  It really helped me to get through the week.  The lesson was on being generous.  Not with money necessarily, but with our gifts.  Which got me thinking about what my gifts are and how I can share them.  Still not certain, but I have some ideas.  If you want to see the message yourself, the church broadcasts live on Facebook.  Check it out here.

I took a few minutes to write a kind email to Cole's teacher and both of Reed's teachers.  Just letting them know we appreciate their efforts and that they are largely the reasons my kids are happy to go to school each day.  Pretty huge, yet so often forgotten.  Passing on that good feeling I so appreciate myself.

Image courtesy of http://bitsofwisdom.org/2017/06/06/kindness-is-free-2/

When people held the door for me this week, I was sure to give a heartfelt "Thank you so much" with eye contact.  ( I can't stand when people don't say thank you, and I've been known to huff out a cranky, "You're welcome."  Passive aggressive, I know, but really, people?  Just say thanks.)

I apologized to someone else who I was probably somewhat rude to in an email.  I was feeling defensive over another similar situation that I had recently dealt with, which was handled quite rudely, and I passed it on.  So, I admitted my weakness and mistake and apologized.  It made me feel better, and hopefully did her as well!

For my own peace and wellbeing, (which I know is important, so I can spread love and peace as opposed to anxiety and impatience) I started a 30-day yoga challenge online.  It's on YouTube through Yoga with Adriene, and while I've only completed two days, I am really enjoying it.  It's a quiet time to focus on bettering myself.  Breathing.  Being quiet and peaceful.  Gaining strength and flexibility.

During my last massage, my massage therapist (she is as wise as she is amazing) said the way I was talking to myself wasn't nice, that I needed to be nicer to myself.  So, I'm trying to focus on my self-talk, being kinder to myself the way I try to be with others.  

Small steps.  Nothing outrageous or crazy.  How were you good to others and yourself this week?  (If you weren't, what baby steps could you take next week?  It's never too late.)

Image courtesy of https://usergeneratededucation.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/conspiracies-of-kindness.png?w=700

Kindness and Common Courtesy

Events over the last couple of weeks have led me to wonder what has happened to common courtesy.  Why are we so eager to blame someone else, hurt someone else, attack someone else?  When did it become easier to give someone the finger than wave?  So hard to say thank you?  To offer a simple smile?  Say hello?  Why do so many people feel so self-important, that their wants and needs are the only ones that matter?  Why are we quicker to criticize than show appreciation?

I find myself wasting time, stewing over how I've been treated, how my husband has been treated, multiple other situations I've heard about lately where people have been treated unfairly or in an unkind way.  (And I don't even watch the news!)  

At the same time, I struggle to ensure that I do not become one of those people being unjust or unkind, who forgets to smile or say thank you.  To teach my kids to be kind and compassionate, fair and conscious of other people's feelings.  

I suppose with the recent events in Las Vegas, we are all likely struggling with similar questions.  As we see the hate that grows within our country, separates us because of skin color, sexuality,  religion, and other reasons that should have become extinct long ago.  Even though we are all different, we are all people.  We share a common core.  We are all equally important, none of us more so than another, regardless of our status, income, color, religion.

Can't we just stop judging other people?  Shaming other people?  Talking negatively about other people?  Does that really make anyone feel better about themselves?  Let's start focusing more on being kind, sharing our appreciation for others, smiling, saying thank you.  As a teacher, it means the world to me when I get a card or note from a family that expresses their gratitude for what I've done, acknowledging that I've made a positive difference in their child's life.  We should each make a conscious effort to pass around more of that feeling.

An unexpected, yet very much appreciated, thank you made its way to my husband this week.  It makes such a difference to know that someone notices when you care, when you volunteer to help, instead of only noticing when you make a mistake or do something to upset them.  Those Random Acts of Kindness, even when not so random, make an individual difference that can spread exponentially from person to person.  If you don't believe it, read this children's book about Ordinary Mary and how her kindness spread from person to person, impacting so many more people than expected.  

As for me, I am going to try to do more of this and less fretting about what other people think about me.  (Because I am surely not saying I am perfect.  If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, I hope you've adequately received this message.  I am anything but.  However, I am trying to be better every day.)  Reed and I are going to try a new church tomorrow, in a search for a home church where we belong.  Perhaps if we all join together in spreading kindness, we can try to overpower the hate that seems to be catching like wildfire.  In this spirit, I'll end with one of my favorite quotes:

           

Commitment

Yesterday, we attended a beautiful wedding.  Just under two weeks before we celebrate our 16th anniversary.  It caused me to reflect on where we began and how far we have come.

We met just two weeks before my 21st birthday - in person.  Strangely, (at the time it was, anyway) we met online.  On a site that doesn't even exist any longer.  I have to believe it was fate that led me there, looking for more information on some since-forgotten news story for my mom, accidentally clicking a banner ad.  Feeling lonely and thinking it would be nice to at least find people to chat with online.  Filling out the questionnaire, realizing it would cost money to send anonymous emails to people, receiving emails from people old enough to be my father.  No thanks!

Chad must have had that same feeling at some point before then, having since left the site.  But Valentine's Day was approaching, so they sent him a free "stamp".  He found I was his closest match, sent me an email (with his real email address so it didn't cost me to reply).  We emailed for a while, then finally started calling each other.  After a few weeks, maybe a month, we arranged to meet for lunch.  Completely blind.  Neither of us had seen a picture of the other.

We met and had an awkward lunch together.  I talked way too much because I was nervous.  He was wearing a sweater vest.  So much about our getting to know each other was awkward.  Yet we stuck it out.  After dating for just over a year, I graduated from college and was heading to grad school.  We took a leap and moved in together, a little apartment off campus.  I took 12 credits per semester, worked as a graduate assistant (which covered my tuition and gave me a small stipend), and worked part-time.  Chad worked as an estimator for a paving company and covered most of our bills.  We were blissfully happy, as I recall, most of the time.  This picture was taken in that apartment:

We got engaged on the sofa in that apartment.  I had class that night, and I remember telling strangers on the elevator that I just got engaged - I was so happy I just had to tell someone!  I came home to Gorditas for dinner.  None of it was ideal or picture-perfect, not a fairy tale.  But it is our story.  It's the path that led us to where we are now, which is a pretty great place to be.

In one year, I finished my master's degree.  I had interviews for Reading Specialist positions.  We were searching for a home, planning our September wedding.  I got my job, we bought our first home, and got married in the space of one month.  A stressful time, despite all of the positive things that were happening.  

We had our furry children.  Life was good.  I've written before, I believe, about my epiphany that I wanted to have children.  It was a difficult time after this realization, waiting for Chad's answer as to whether he could want children, too.  Even after he said he was okay with having kids, that he didn't want to lose me, I wasn't convinced.  Throughout my pregnancy, I was still worried deep down about the father he would be.  As I told him, "My own father wanted me and look how that turned out!"  (Not good, in case you didn't know.)  I didn't want to bring a child into the world, unwanted.  

Little did I know that this man would become the type of father I could only dream of.  He is beyond committed to our children, to our family.  It simply had to be fate that brought him into my life, and I am so grateful I didn't let go.  We both have more wrinkles.  I have some gray hairs, and he has no hair!  We've had lots of good times, but some bad as well.  

The longer we are married, I realize that it is very similar to being on a roller coaster.  There are many peaks, as well as some valleys, many times in between.  If you simply hang in there for the rough times, remember why you fell in love, it will get better.  Invest in each other, dig deep for the things you still love at times when they are hard to remember.  Before you know it, you'll be headed up the hill, right on track for another peak in the future.  

Looking back, there is nothing I would change in the 18 years we've been together.  Sure, it could've been "prettier" or more romantic, but it's real.  I adore the children we've created, appreciate the life we have forged together, and love, love, love that man I married.