On Raising Two Strong-Willed Children
My last post served two purposes. First, it was cathartic: it felt good to get it out and to receive support from other moms who struggle at times. Second, the feedback helped me to identify what is going on with Cole. While I am completely open to having him evaluated if necessary, I don’t want to create a diagnosis where there is none. I trust his preschool teachers immensely and I know they would tell us if they saw indications of anything out of the ordinary. Through several discussions, I finally realized that, like Reed, Cole is simply strong-willed. He is just even more strong-willed.
This realization was precisely what I needed. It’s changed my view of the situation, has helped me to step back and refocus. I’m reading up on how I should react to help him gain control over his own will and emotions. Really, I suppose none of this should be a surprise to me: I was a strong-willed child and I am a strong-willed adult. This has served me well in attaining my goals, as my mom helped me learn how to focus and use my will appropriately. Now I just need to help my kids to do the same.
We started intervening with Reed much earlier, so at 8, he is already pretty successful at managing himself. It’s taken us longer to recognize that Cole needs the same assistance. (It’s like when you’re looking in the refrigerator for ketchup and can’t find it, even though it’s right in front of your face.)
Whether it be because of my improved attitude, the reading I’ve been doing, luck, or Cole growing and maturing, I’m not sure, but Cole has had four good days now. They haven’t been perfect, but it has been the reprieve that I so desperately needed. I feel more prepared to help him channel his will toward positive pursuits. While I’m sure to get weary at times, as Cole will not likely let up for long, I am grateful that my children share my tenacious personality. That they will go after what they want. That they have the backbone to stand up for what they believe.
I’m also grateful for the feedback that helped me to examine our situation, and for the support many of you offered. Thanks for reaching out to this flawed mama who’s trying to do her best.
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